:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
