oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
