planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
