Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
