no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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