Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you didnt know i had herpes?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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