Whod you bang
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
