The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
