dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
