Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
