There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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