just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
