You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
