He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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