glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
