I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
