Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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