remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
