You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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