please come you make the beer taste better
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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