Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
