wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
