6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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