some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
