i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I know her cup size but not her name....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
