Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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