if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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