Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
