She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You have to summon your inner elephant
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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