Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
