So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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