apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
