i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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