whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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