I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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