that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
