i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
