I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
