she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
