Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
