I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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