I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
