margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
