You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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