My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
