All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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