first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
