I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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