Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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