You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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