I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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